Avoiding a void?

Far out, I dunno wassup lately, biological depression. Nothing absolutely nothing can take the gnawing feeling away. Smtg is gnawing at my soul, clutching my heart all the time. I feel so sad, jez so so down. Break up? Yeah it feels more intense but I know it's not the main driving force. I feel disconnected fr pple once again. Sigh, I hate this feeling, I wish it wld go away once n for all. Body attack is indeed my life line, it keeps my moods up. I dun wish 2 b a gym junkie, but I'm forced to. It's really weird!! this phenomenon, when did it set in, does d black dog belong in my family? WTF... work used 2 b satisfying but now i'm numb, drifting further away fr the sense of achievement. Why why why do I get BORED in the blink of an eye n retreat in my little world.

Hanging out at pubs/bar after work n getting trashed isn't fun nor cool 2 me, yet that seems to b the only way 2 clique w my colleagues. I neva get it, what's so fun abt getting drunk, losing all ur inhibitions, possibly embarrassing urself n regretting what u did when ur frens tell u the next day? It doesn't rain alcohol n I'd rather save up the $$ 2 spend. Am I too unique that it's difficult to find frens w similar interests? Maybe it's booze is a Western life style. Chefs or pple in the hospitality industry tend 2 b v fun loving. Mayb I dunno how 2 let loose or I give myself high expectations, from working in several hospitality establishmts, I find I'm kinda different from most pple there, I may get along betta with the older ones, those who r settled down. Saying i'm mature wld b a sweeping statement but i dunno, my days of getting high n clubbing r kinda over. Clubbing's only fun when I get picked up by guys, but even that can get boring. Everythg can unless I've become accustomed to it n it's become my comfort zone.

I'm finding life pretty meaningless again, nothing 2 really look 4ward to. Even if I was doing great at work, the achievement it brings me dies down. At least I feel betta after writing some of thots down. Hey partner, I love reading ur journals too, it keeps me company hehe. Go go let Bball motivate u at work n work motivate u at Bball : ) Am I making sense? well it's 246am, fukcing tired but it's been 2 weeks since I woke up feeling refreshed n had quality sleep. I'm tired, I shld b able 2 sleeeeeep like a PIG! Pls pls dear god, buddha, guanyin pusa, fairy godmother, aladdin, grant me good sleep n rest 2nite