shake-it-like-Shakira

What is the world coming to when a 22 year old woman can't go into a nice saloon, climb up on the bar, and shake-it-like-Shakira without falling and hurting herself?
Its a sad state of things that saloon owners can't keep their bars up to dancing conditions. The history of dancing on bar tops goes back hundreds if not thousands of years. There is a long written and verbal history that details the continually evolving practice of Bar Top Maintenance for dancing.
Many biblical scholars have recently found evidence to indicate that not only was Marry Magdalene featured in the Portrait of the Last Supper, but that the table was actually a low Roman styled bar. Magdalene is often thought to have been a prostitute, but in fact she was a professional bar dancer, which is how she met Jesus, who was known to frequent many a bar during a thirty year bought with alcoholism.
Many people credit Magdalene with saving The Savior from himself with an irrestible twitch of the hips and lift of the wrists and hands laden with finger cymbols.
Regardless, even two thousand years ago everyone knew how important it was to keep a dry stable dancing bar in good working order. I think it is a sign of the times and of our country reflecting a decision point that we must make as a nation.
Should we continue to subject our saloon patronesses to unsafe bar top dancing environments and face the downfall of society?
Or shall we get a fresh bar towel and dry the damn thing off every now and then?